I am so filled with bitterness and I can’t really say why. Yes I can. But I will get more bitter if I talk about it so explicitly. So instead I will be vague and annoying!

Why doesn’t everyone love me? How come the people I expect to love me most sometimes fail me so badly and then I wonder if they ever loved me at all?

Why, after all this time, do I still feel such bitterness and sadness? Why do I feel such abandonment over someone I never see anymore? God, I’m so pathetic, SO damn pathetic sometimes. Like a baby bird that falls out the nest and then gets trampled by dogs and still tries to drag its wet, malformed, broken body across the lawn. Ew, gross. What’s wrong with me?

Seriously. I have GOT to let go of old grudges, because as we all know, grudges do nothing but upset the begrudged and usually makes no difference to those you are holding the grudge against. Especially if you never see them. What’s the point of a SECRET grudge?

And WHY do I have a grudge, after so much time? I have so many people that I love, who love me, people I adore being around and can turn to for support. So why am I clinging to the fact that one person I once loved just stopped loving me one day, and I lost that relationship, and now the memory is tainted? I should really just get over it. But I can’t help being forever bugged by the fact that something that meant so damn much to me meant so damn little to the other person.

Am I really never to get over this trivialness? This shit that doesn’t even matter anymore? Because if I haven’t gotten over it now… hell, maybe I just won’t! And that’s so STUPID. You’d think a good… what… three or four years was enough. Maybe ten years from now I won’t care, and I will forget their name and all we ever did and if I see them again I won’t remember them fondly but I won’t remember them bitterly… I will just have a vague recollection of their face. I will just know that I knew them once, and nothing more.

I am bitter for a stupid reason and that makes me all the more bitter.

… at least there’s a woot-off.